Speak Out!

Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances whereas, moving back with your parents is the only way to keep you from living on the streets. Though, a lot of children venture out and, try to make it on their own todays cost of living is astronomically high and the rent is totally outrageous. That in some cases is the reason why children are forced to move back home with their parents as well as the overwhelming population of the homeless.

True, some children have too much pride or choose not to burden their parents with the situation of having to move back but, sometimes it's the only solution. Especially in cases where it's an apartment that's small, and you have to turn everything upside down just so you'll have a place to sleep. And, forget about if they have children of their own.

But, personally I'd rather have my children and their children piled up with me no matter how small than to have them live on the streets and not know whether they're safe, being fed, bathing, etc. I also feel that if said, child or children are healthy and able to work then by all means try to find work and help your mother out. I know it's not easy finding work these days but at least make an effort, thereby doing your part and making the situation a little less stressful.

On the other hand, if the child just wants to move back home because they don't want to work or rather not maintain adult responsibilities and figure mom will take care of you, then they should not be able to move back home. In that case, I feel that it will definitely damage the family unit.

Adult kids moving back home may not be a great idea in most cases. It is often times that things do happen and Mom/Dad will always have an open door policy for their kids. Unless the adult kid(s) move back home to care for the parents or the parent cares for the SICK kid-there will be a revolving door at my house.

Sometimes life can knock you down and at Mom's house there's a welcome mat at the door. But understand this-the welcome mat does not say forever unless agreed upon and even then I couldn't see myself under those conditions.

My son returned home after a bad marriage and a severe illness that required him to have a liver transplant (thank god he just received it 7/17/07). There was no way that I could turn my back on my son after his (uncaring wife) walked out on him to fend for himself. I won't say malicious things about her but circumstances do happen and the vows you make at the alter better be words that you meditate on because in the end you could be shifted into a situation that will reveal how much "DO" you really love that person..

It's easy to love when the sun is shining but in the darks moments when your wedding vows echo back at you-for better or for worse-sickness and in health... it will either give you staying power or the cowardness to leave and in my son's case-his wife left. It was too much for her to bear...

But Momma... Momma stepped in to fill the void where he had been let down and hung out to dry. Sometimes I don't understand a lot of things that happen in one's life but I'm sure of this "Everything works together for the good of those who love the lord and are called according to his purpose"

I saw my son darken death's door but "GOD" ALL I CAN SAY IS BUT GOD! God gave me staying power over the years and I thank him for giving me the strength to withstand some of life’s challenging moments. My doors for my son will forever be open (under certain circumstances). I know that when he is well enough to take care of himself again he will soon fly away from the nest again-he is too much like me in that area. I left home at the age of nineteen and I never returned. It was my determination to make it- even when I couldn’t see my way through the storm –I just sat still and rode the waves. It was times when life flipped me to and fro but I knew that returning home was not the answer for me.

If it means eating cold beans and a glass of water -then sometimes you just have to sacrifice-its called survivor. Responsibility is always a challenge but that’s something every adult must take on in order to mature. Sometimes when the storm comes- Mommy is the safe haven (some) people rush to get to just to get out of the storm's path. Some people stay forever. But for those who fear responsibility - these will be the same people who lack good social connections. A responsible person will make determination an ever growing seed-a seed that will not let you quit but continues to push your inner spirit towards the light.

I don’t want to jump too far from the subject but if I meet a man that’s living at home with momma-and it’s not health-related issues involved-all doors are closed and the sign will read-NO ONE IS HOME TO ACCEPT YOUR CALL-EVER! Good Day Slacker!

It’s hard enough to live in a world of uncertainties so why add a load on your shoulders…Hell No!

So in my closing before you decide to go back home to momma-check all of your resources-count all your pennies and just be patient. Life will eventually shift it's course…Nothing stays the same-just wait…

It is not a good thing for an adult child to move back in with their parents if they need the parents to help take care of them. Everyone should have the opportunity and know-how to take care of themselves. Do not put this burden on an elderly person. However, for other reasons, it is not always a bad thing.

At 50, instead of living alone or with my children, I moved back in with my mother to help take care of my father who was dying of lung cancer. After his death, I stayed. My Mom had her master bedroom and I had the other two bedrooms and a bath to use as I pleased. We shared the expenses of the house and whenever I could kick in something extra, I would take care of all expenses and tell my Mom to do what she wanted with her retirement check that month. I gave her the money and she paid the bills as she wanted to (so that there was never any question as to it being 'her' house) and she still ruled the house just as she and my Dad had always done. She never questioned where I went or when I returned, but as a courtesy, I did not just leave and stay gone without letting her know that I would be coming back the next day or whatever.

My children and grandchildren (as well as those of my sisters and brother) had always been welcomed there with her and my father and that was still the case. It was a great arrangement and when my Mother got ill, I was there to care for her until her death. Even though I was staying with my Mother, her will had always had the house left to me, my sisters and brother and that did not change. I still considered it my parent's home and did not have any issue with that as I could have left or not at any point and stayed by choice.

It worked for us and that definitely has to be a consideration.

I received a request to move back to my mother’s home to assist as she cared for her disabled older brother, my uncle. I was living in another state, with a lucrative career, that does not have the same level of opportunity in my home state.

Compliance to this request has presented some unique opportunities as well as some challenges. I am in the midst of a career change to find a better position in this regional area. I am single, so my dating life is affected for the worse.

Overall, however, this is my family, and in spite of any personal challenges I face with this move, I could not have made a different choice once the request was made.

I also recall something that another friend told me after his visit to Africa. He met a man whose family had owned the same land for over 1000 years. The person who told me this story was of Jewish origin. As a black person, that is a lesson we need to take heed of. As a group, American black people need to increase the idea of inheritance and wealth-building over generations.

We need to examine what benefits can come out of adult children moving back in with parents can mean for us in a positive light. The issues of inheritance, the passing on and building of wealth is a factor needing serious consideration in the issue of adults living with parents.