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Family or Foster Care?
Mon, 10/01/2007 - 19:56 | Family
The occurrence of grandparents raising their grandchildren is getting more media attention. A recent case in Philadelphia made headlines:
…trouble came after their fourth grandchild, Steven, was born in 2001. The Brasovankins' son said he couldn't care for the child, who had developmental problems, including hyperactivity. Family members said Steven's mother was a crack addict. Soon, the Brasovankins found themselves raising a child. This case is just one example of how some officials are questioning when a person is too old to parent. Morris will turn 89 this month and Mildred is almost 86. Even though the Brasovankins admit they are unable to run after Steven or lift him into a park swing or shopping cart without help from strangers, the couple argue love should triumph over longevity in the fight for Steven. There are more than 4 million children in the United States today being cared for by more than 2 million grandparents who are taking up the slack left by parents who can't take care of their kids for reasons ranging from drug addictions to prison sentences, and most recently, military deployments.How old is too old to parent a child?
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Raising grandchildren
I am 48 and raising a 6 and 4 year old grandson. The mom (my daughter) is 28 and the father of the oldest is 61. The dad has heart and lung problems and diabetic and thinks he can run after the 6 year old. I am concerned about the welfare of my grandson when this man takes him for visits. I can not make his man understand and realize my concern is genuine. Both of these boys have lived in my home since birth and the mom walked out on them. Neither father stepped up till recently when this one decided he was dying and wants to spend time with his kid. The child is rebelling and very angry that this man is disrupting the only life he has known. I don't want my grandson to become one of those statistics, so we are going for counseling. Any suggestions on how to get his man to understand if he is dying, what kind of life will his son have after he has taken his self esteem and self worth away. Help if you can.
"I was mute with silence, I
"I was mute with silence, I held my peace even from good; And my sorrow was stirred up" (Ps. 39:2)
At the core of this debate if you will is the "Broken Family" from the immediate to the extended. We have so fractured this basic human unit that it's fragmented pieces, namely the children, suffer.
Needless to say the birth parents SHOULD be raising these children WITH Grands and Greats if life lasts. This nurturing unit fosters a cohesion that helps build future leaders.
This is why detriments such as Alcohol and Drugs should really be laid aside.
Speaking to WAR ...It will always render null and void this unit..we who remain must be willing to pick up the pieces (Children) Old ...not too old to re-establish Family ties.
What if the parents refuse to
What if the parents refuse to give up their lifestyle to raise these children? Should not the grandparents or other relative caregiver be left alone to care for them if they are doing a good job?
You are way too old to parent
You are way too old to parent a child when you're too old to hold him or give him a smile; too old to render good discipline or model good behavior before him. If you're too old to remember to administer love at the center of enlightenment, encouragement and empowerment, you are too old to be a parent.
I live in Philadelphia, and
I live in Philadelphia, and this story received a great deal of attention from our local stations & newspapers. I was asked by several of my colleagues (I am a social worker) what my thoughts were on the situation. I'll write here what I have been saying all along.
This couple has every right to raise their grandchild. I do not believe they are too old. A lot of folks mention how much work raising a child, etc. Others mention the child's hyperactivity, and ADD issues. These are serious issues, however both are treatable with medication. As far as how much work raising a child is...so what! How can one judge another based on their sense of being overwhelmed? It is clear that the grandparents need supports/help. This is where the issue goes sour.
In Philadelphia these type of cases are handled by the Department of Human Services (DHS). This is a struggling entity that has been in need of an overhaul for years. This is just one example of this agency's deficient status. Once again DHS made the wrong decision regarding someone's welfare/well-being. There is no age limit on parenting, and no one has the right to impose such limits. The grandparents should have been given resources instead of heartbreak.
I know the grandparents want
I know the grandparents want to provide for the baby but realistically, how can they give the child the kind of attention someone that age needs? I am in my 30's and just running around after my little 15 month old nephew is a real job for anyone my age, let alone an elderly couple. And then take into account that the child is hyperactive from a mother that did drugs. I would want the baby to stay with family but those grandparents are going to need help.
Look, grandparents been doing
Look, grandparents been doing this for years; it nothing new, but the mother who can't take care of the child needs to understand that yes she may be the child mother that she can't come in and do some of the things she does like messing up the stable home. There is no age limit on parenting; if you are able and willing to do it then do it for one. We have too many Black kids in foster care that need home and love from a mother and father or a single mother or father. I know once I'm retired from the Navy, I will adopt me some kids and show them that they are somebody and they will have a life that only kids should dream of and want.
We shouldn't judge if the people are too old but help them out. It takes a village to raise a child; that what it used to be like back in the day. We need to go back to that old saying and implement that in our community. We as Black man and woman need to bring back the black we once had for each and these black children that the black love for them between two Black people is alive and well and that we will be there for them and give them the stability and structure that they need to survive out there in this cold cold world.
I was raised by a single mother but had 7 aunts that was around and a whole bunch of first cousins around to discipline me when I was doing wrong and turned out a really good man. We don't need the system raise our child; we need to do it and go out to a foster home and adopt some of these children. It will be a blessing not just for you but the child too so he can be something that you as his parent can smile about; he will never forget that and probably do the same once he grows up to a grownup. May GOD bless you and give you want to adopt and help raise our Black Kids.
Being a parent knows no age.
Being a parent knows no age. A neighbor, who is 57 years old, is a 2nd time around parent. My parents were up in age; [Mom was age 40, and Dad was age 50] when I landed into their life. My parents and neighbor had the strength to take on a child. My 83 year old mother still gets around like a lively young 70 year old sr. My parents, [and now my beloved aunt] provided and cared for me. At the present, my beloved energetic 71 year young aunt is lending her support [while I search for school grants] to my college education.
So, if a parent has the resources to raise the grand-children or take on foster children, do it. Children need a stable home and a parent[s] home. This is also another phase of the "Leave No Child Behind". Children can be left behind if they [the children] don't have family/parent home. The foster child care agency should get more funding, [along with the education fund] so that foster children can get the protection and love of a single/2 parent home. Personally, I cared for my 4 year old cousin over 10 years ago; while his father, [my first cousin] was getting full custody of him. I'm proud to say, that my little cousin [age 19] will graduate in June, 2008; all because of the motherly attention that I nurtured him with. So you 50+ adults out there, you are not too old to be a parent. So bring a child into your heart and home, and be a parent!
At 34 years young and single,
At 34 years young and single, I took a year off from work to help my single parent brother acclimate his 3 and 6 year old children to life w/o their mother who was incarcerated. It was rough for these babies at the start; the 3 year old never truly bonded with his mother, and the 6 year old, angry due to her absence.
I took off a year to nurture, love, teach, and provide a sense of safety for my nephews. I Love those boys!! After that year, I returned to work part-time while my brother finished school, helping out with the kids turned into moving in and three years of helping raise the kids, I have no regrets. My nephews needed to know that they were safe and loved. Today, at 9 and 13 and they are great kids who are secure in themselves, and they know the value and purpose of love.
If I were 75, in good health, with my mental faculties intact, there is no doubt, I would do it again. We can also take a page from Mother Hale’ book; she is an excellent example of the elderly’s capacity to raise children, it was her love that was the infrastructure.
It’s wonderful that these grandparents are providing for their grandchild, as long as they are mentally astute and physically capable. A child requires patience, guidance, attention, and love is vital above all else. These grandparents are willing, ready, and able to give that which is most important, love. Physical stamina is one minor peace in raising children; in addition, there are plenty of alternative choices to involve children in physical activities, enrolling children in martial arts, little league, etc.
In light of the growing numbers of grandparents raising grandchildren, an addendum question may be, at what age are people mature enough to have and parent children?
Peace Be With You