Speak Out!
Parents Rule
Tue, 05/01/2007 - 20:27 | Youth
A lot of recent discussion has centered on music lyrics and the responsibility of artists and record companies to impressionable young people. Less attention has been given to the responsibility of parents to their children.
How best can parents monitor their children's tastes in music?
ACCOUNTABLE: Making America As Good As Its Promise
Comments
Parents Rule, but they have to make and enforce them (rules)!
Yes we can monitor what they watch/listen to when we engage them instead of being in what part of the house on the phone while they're left to themselves to do "whatever!"
Ben Carson, (badest neuro-surgeon in the world!) grew up in my hometown of Detroit, MI and his mother, a single parent, had him reading and writing book reports on GP (general principle). His knowledge increased when he began reading more. He considered himself a less than average student and would never answer questions when called on or volunteer to answer, he left it to "the smart kids". One day his teacher asked a question and no one knew the answer, not even the "smart kids". Dr. Carson raised his hand (and muffled taunts and jeers filled the room), when he answered correctly he was relieved of the dumb, stupid stigma that caused him to be dysfunctional. He began studying more and began to excel.
Like I said, he is the badddest neuro surgeon in the world and he has a scholarship program for youth that at 3rd grade they can apply for every year until 12th grade if they maintain a 3.7 GPA or better. The funds are held until they graduate and is released to them for higher education.
We need to stop making excuses and engage our children, especially our boys! They are smart, witty and innovative and I'm finding out that they are smarter than girls! But they are surrounded by female teachers who neither identitify with them or try to understand them.
In my son's 5th grade class the smart boys outweigh the smart girls and my son is included in that number. But I spend time with him. I read to him everynight since he was 3 months, until he started to read to me and now we read together. He began reading at 3 years old and it has increased his knowledge.
Give them something to do besides play games and watch TV and listen to music. My son has an IPOD, but thank GOD he has never had an interest in the type of music I forbid, and i never had to caution him. The intellect and dialect of rap music is lacking and my son is smart enough to know it. What are we putting in our children that they even desire "junk" music? My son hates rap music! Unless its Christian or positive. He is a veracious reader. He speaks in terms of being wealthy, (and I encourage him to keep making that profession) but he is not interested in the get rich quick schemes and ploys that has intrigued, overwhelmed and poisoned our youth.
We have to spend time with them, then we'll encourage them. If we leave them to the TV, that's who they'll be... I'd like my son if he wasn't my son because he is a deep little brother. He inspired me to vote for Barack Obama and he now has me thinking about rather 911 was really a conspiracy. This all started when we visited the 911 museum at Ground Zero in NYC during spring break this year. Since he was 2 years old when 911 occurred he had no recollection of it happening. When we got back to MD he began researching the events surrounding 911. Jonathan addresses the negativity in rap songs in the speech he authored and presented before the congregation of Empowerment Temple, Baltimore, MD (under the leadership of Jamal-Harrison Bryant), and Governor Martin O'Malley of Maryland, and members of his staff.
The most impressionable, rich, lasting investment that can be made in the life of a child is time. When we give to them the gift of time when they're young, they'll give it back to us when we're old and a nursing home will never be our place of habitation. Don't let media dog their attention. Make time to spend with your children. When that happens what we lay down as rules, will later be considered jewels! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMyp8y8SkUM
There is no way we can
There is no way we can adequately monitor our kids' musical taste or anything else until we can return back to having basic family values here in the African American community. The preachers need to stop condoning through silence unwed mothers as well as children having children and young black men we need to stop letting them off the hook for being irresponsible. There need to be two parents in a household (I know that it's not always possible but it's the ideal we should strive for) and we as adults need to behave ourselves with more discipline, discretion, wisdom, and firmness. Stop drinking to excess, doing drugs and JUSTIFYING THEIR USE! Our leadership need to assert more control over our communities and what is allowed and not allowed in them as they attempted to do in the 30's, 40's, 50's, and 60's. This explosion in street culture needs to be brought to an end and we need to start suing these rappers and their record companies for these evil records they keep putting out hammering these negative messages into the minds of our children. If you want to read some of my ideas on the way it should be done, check out my book 'Mound Bayou' on my website, www.DanielAsamota.com. It's available at Barnes and Noble but also online for I'm ready to lead a crusade to win back our children from the road to destruction.
Adults not only have a
Adults not only have a responsibility to monitor the media their children are exposed to but also to control it. Art is the medium that informs culture. There was a time when art imitated life. Today, life imitates art. The Hip Hop generation or their parents do not realize that they are being induced though genres of art like gangsta rap to live their lives imitating art in the name of “keepin it real” when what they are imitating isn’t real at all. It is artificial! However, if a Black man kills another Black man that death is real. When that Black man is incarcerated, the time he spends in prison away from his children is real. Nothing about the gangsta rap, thug life game is real except the lives that are lost or ruined trying make it real. Black parents have a duty, not only to criticize, but to euthanize gangsta rap. We must seek to have it banned from being promoted and played on the radio stations that serve our community. The task is not to censure certain words from being said, as Russell Simmons suggested, but to censure that genre of so called music altogether. And to censure the entertainment and radio executives, as well as their advertisers, for promoting it. If we make them realize there will be an economic penalty for promoting misogyny and violence to kids in our community, we will not have to ban certain words or struggle to monitor what our children hear. We will eradicate the complacency in our culture that created and permitted their use.
Parents to talk about what
Parents to talk about what the music is projecting when it is heard by an adult. Ask the child if that is their intention when consuming and promoting the music. Help them to be self-critical and aware how such lyrical poverty may effect their thinking and interaction with others who they believe to care for and protect their well-being and self-worth. When one is aware of the damage, they tend to make new and better decisions; but just saying that it is not good is not good enough. The exposing of popular music as a dumbing down or a distraction may have some truth, but it assumes that the music has not truth, and the culture that produces has not message. That is dangerous in any generation. I do believe that Parents need to go to work for the minds of their children.
Only thing folk can do is
Only thing folk can do is keep it out of their own homes best they can. Don't allow it to be played on those tv or radio stations. And above all, don't buy it; and monitor what the kids buy with any money they may have. It also helps if the parents set the appropriate example by modeling the same behavior they preach about.
Monitoring our children's
Monitoring our children's taste in music should start way before they become teens. We should be role models of how people should and should not be treated in both words and actions, and hold them accountable when they step out of their boundaries. If the music looks and sounds like what they see at home? Well? I told my sons that explicit music was no allowed in the house or to be played on any music they listened to. I also told them that if I found it, we would do two things:
1. Throw it away.
2. Discuss why was inappropriate.
My sons are 25, 20 and 17, and when they were younger I would throw out any music that
Hi Tavis, I feel the best way
Hi Tavis, I feel the best way parents can monitor is by being involved. In today's world, many parents who are financially secure tend to give their kids gifts or the means (credit, debit, cash, check, etc.) to acquire gifts and/or necessities. Many of those who are not as financially secure, have to work 2-3 jobs or more to try and just stay afloat. And of course, the third group are those that simply do not have the skills to be parents because they did not have a role model to teach them. All three categories tend to yield the same result. The parent/parents is/are absent in some degree and the child is left many times to do whatever he/she desires. One of those activities is listening to this vulgar music. I remember times gone by (and there are many families that still do this) families spent quality time together [meals, church, shopping, vacation (even if it was only an hour away to go fish for a day)]. As a result, there was active involvement and that active involvement worked to deter many negative activities and behavior.
I have a revelation to share
I have a revelation to share with the community that I received during my writing of the above posting. "After writing the posting a revelation in a form of a question came to mind-"What if we open up our doors to strangers that go against the morals and standards that are set within our households? What do you think would happen? Would you be happy and received that person with open arms-accepting his/her rules? Are would you become hostile, unfriendly towards the violator. After all his/her sinful ways are not your house standards of living... Can they enter in your home erupting you household? Violating every rule of the house... would your response be-oh he/she should be accepted in my home after all I love everybody...bull-crap if your answer is yes! What man/woman you know that will let you go against their rules of their household and be happy with that-not me or many others I know. My point is this there are rules and regulation in everything we do and if we violate the rules-consequences follows. If we run a red light we could get a ticket or cause a tragic accident. Without rules we all would be living a brutal and harsh life without respect for each other. Same thing when we take away God’s rules and regulation (word) We pay the price for going against what he says. In other words if we rebel we are in jeopardy of hell (damnation) harsh consequences…reaping what we sow... “Be not deceived God is not mocked-whatever a man soweth he shall reap... My My My… look at our dead harvest.
The same way we would respond to violators is the same way God responds to our sins. We are in violation of Gods house- if we are embracing sin...
I agree with the last comment
I agree with the last comment of T.P.-most of our moral values have seared straight down the drain. We have allowed the devil to walk into our homes and take over where God use to be. We are accepting many sins that God hates. In the bible God say's hate what I hate and love what I love. God hates the sin in us-but we insist on embracing sin and using the excuse that we are all sinners fallen short. "Repent" What does the word "Repent means. It means to acknowledge one sin and correct it. It doesn't say that God will continue to embrace our sins as if it's okay...
God has mercy but he also has wrath against a disobedient child. Just as parents get to a point where other measures has to be used to discipline a child, the same as with God. We have become a nation with immoral tolerance-but yet we wonder why we are sending ourselves and our kids to hell in a hand basket. We can't embrace sin and hope that God is satisfied with it. What really should be our concern is that the more we turn our cheeks to sin -the more we will be having these conversations about "What should we do? Let’s be real with ourselves God is not a author of lies and confusion -anything against him is not for him.
The next thing that we do so often is to attack the preachy one-the one that will speak the word of God in love... The word says clearly that GODS WORD CONVICTS the complacent and comforts the righteous. This nation has deleted morals and values like a hijacker on a computer and still we stand idle by and ask the question -What is happening to our world and especially our kids? Simple-we accept too much against the word of God and he has given us over to our own lust and self destruction. Why do you think that so many black men/women are turning to each other for sexual purposes-because the bible speaks of that? God has given them over to their own lustful ways. The natural part of a man and woman has been replaced with the lustful sins of their own desires. But we keep wondering what is happening? We confuse our kids with what a family should be-they know the natural way of a family but we embrace homosexuality and for that we will pay with a dangerous price! We should love our brothers and sisters dearly but the sin that is within them we should not embrace as if we were at a baseball game catching a homerun ball.
We know that the natural way of conception is a man and woman but when you embrace anything outside of that natural conception we know that we go against the word of God. Now I know that many will be uncomfortable with this posting but for those of you that know the bible and live by the word-you know that this is right. Now I'm not a homophobic-but I believe in the word of God. You either believe or you don't believe anything in between. Standards are standards and what we have exchange for morals and standards is a superficial thing called deception. Everyone uses this special scripture from the bible-"God loves everyone" which is true but what about the part when it says that GOD HATES SIN? Have we conveniently taken that part that comforts us and embraced it with our hearts and deleted the part that makes us uncomfortable...yes we have. Biology explains to us how nature works and even in Biology scientist understands the natural conception of God. So why are we compromising-because the devil has persuaded many into believing the unnatural is right… We cannot populate the earth with unnatural things-we just can’t it goes against nature. If we think that this could happen-take away all the men or women and see if the other survive and populate the earth…
There have been so many things of God that has been taken away-and to take away Gods instructions- we have taken our shield of protection away. We are now standing naked in front of our enemies with our rear end out for destruction. And if we don't see the entire picture soon-we will continue to destroy the little that is left of our being. To see our wrong and turn our cheeks is like telling God I see it but I don’t see it. We have the power to correct our problems as long as God gives us another day-a brand new mercy, but we can’t keep tossing it to the wind and expect change… Stop looking for excusing outside of Gods purpose…Because outside of his purpose stands failure and destruction.
We have Christians at the top of the least compromising as if it were a game of spin the bottle to see where we will end up. Christians are swayed by every doctrine and tossed to and fro because they compromise-and don't stand firm for the word of God... PREACHY...PREACHY BUT IT'S THE TRUTH and until the Luke warm Christian realize we are the salt of the earth and the light that should be seen on top of a hill and not under a bed- we will be the picture of disaster to many. The world has no role model when it comes to Christianity -far too many of us are on the left side of the fence promoting our own will and not Gods will… So when we continue to search for answers to comfort our grieving hearts-stop and take a good look at what we are doing opposed to the morals and standards of the bible. After all the bible stands for
B-BIBLICAL
I-INSTRUCTIONS
B-BEFORE
L-LEAVING
E-EARTH
GOD BLESS
It should go without saying
It should go without saying what responsibility parents have in talking to their children and letting them know what is and is not exceptable. HOWEVER, there should be an equal responsibility for everyone to protect our future generations. The moral fabric that carried previous generations are torn and tattered, there is no regard to morals, values or ethics in our nation.
Some things just should not be. Many have allowed their eyes and ears to be seared with the filth that comes by way of music, television, and the big screen. Because this "mess" appeals to their lustful desires they fight against what is right, which is protecting the greater good. None of it is good. I know that many have sat and discussed Why things are so bad in our world, with our children and etc., it's because we don't fight in our neighborhoods and communities to keep our children safe anymore.
What happened to people caring about one another. Do we sit back and allow it to continue while skirting our responsibility as a person living in this world, God forbid. We ban together and put an end to the foolishness that is working real hard to rob us of every future generation to come.
Ultimately it is the parents
Ultimately it is the parents responsibility to know what their children are not only listening to but watching on TV and at the movies and reading. Although it may be tedious, monitor what they are downloading onto their ipods and mp3's. Ask them what they are listening to and if it is inappropriate, take it away. When parents give their children money to buy CD's, ask to see what they have purchased. Turn off the videos that promote negativity. It is impossible to monitor at all times, but we must do what we can as parents and other caring adults. Let's not make it so easy for children to access anything that's not going to help them be a better person. Parents must also spend time with their child and be able to influence them in a positive way so that their child will respect their opinion and honor the parent through the choices they make.
The flip side is that some parents are listening to the same negative music their children are listening to. Therefore, we must not only have the courage to stress parental responsibility to our friends and family members but also the collective responsibility of the African American community to write record executives letting them know that there are consumers who want to hear more positive music.
We all have a responsibiliy to promote anything; whether it be music, television, movies, literature, etc. that will help, not hinder our children.
Sit down, lay down, play or
Sit down, lay down, play or just talk to your child with music on. All types of music and explain the origin and culture of the music. This is family time,education and FUN.
I totally agree that it is
I totally agree that it is the parents' responsibility to monitor the music their children listen to, but good luck with that the older and more mobile your child becomes. Though I don't contribute to the purchases of most of the music, I find children will find a way to be exposed to it. Children have so much more access to music when we are not around (eg when you're at work, or when children visit their friends, on the schoolbus, etc.). I always joke about feeling my age most when I watch music award shows because I have no idea who half of the people are receiving the awards! So while I try to keep up, I find communication is the best tool. I talk to my daughter about the degredation of calling women b#$&*es and h*s and how the struggle of women just being recognized as equal human beings is still continuing. I remind her of how precious her body and mind are, and how important it is to demand respect for them. I teach my son the importance of honoring women as the mothers of earth just as he would expect a man to honor me and his sister. I talk about how rappers talking about their negative environments with a beat does not mean we have to continue to perpetuate that mentality. I think what's really hard is that it seems the artists don't realize that kindergarteners are exposed to that music as well as teenagers and there are so many references to sex and violence. Maybe if all of us contributed to taking responsibility we could make music both heartfelt and respectful--after all, it takes a village...
It's the parents'
It's the parents' responsibility to monitor what their kids listen to. I do believe that it is impossible to do that 24/7 being that many parents work. I found my seven-year-old singing songs I never heard of and have never listened to around him. I asked him where did he hear the song and he said that his twelve-year-old cousin was listening to it, and that's where he usually is at after school while I am at work. So ultimately if you do not want your children to be affected by the music then its about informing the whole community not to listen to what is demeaning to the character and integrity of people. Not everybody has this opinion in our community so we will end up arguing about getting rid of or keeping the music and our children will still have access no matter what music we allow them to listen to.
One thing that I have learned to do as a parent is to educate my child on things going on in the media, not only music. I explain to him what the people are talking about so that he doesn't go around saying things that he doesn't know the meaning behind. That's logic for the whole situation.
The best way for parents to
The best way for parents to monitor their children's musical taste is to just ask. then explain to them what is exceptable in their home. sure, sometimes kids will lie if they think their parent is going to restrict them, but have the dialog anyway. at least let the child know that there are some boundaries. it's surprising how many parent just don't talk to their children, about drugs, sex, school, etc.
So what we should be doing is
So what we should be doing is cutting of the damaging sources -the record companies that promote this garbage for a dollar bill. Freedom of speech comes with a heavy price. Rappers are gaining the world and losing their souls and respect for human kind. If we don't address the devil and his undermining tactics-who will? How then do you stop an epidemic from killing our kids mind body and spirit? If products are not available for purchase-then we have accomplished the mission to destroy what's destroying our kids. "African Proverb" It takes a whole village to raise our kids. Even if parents did all that they could do to keep it out of the homes-there are still places these kids can get this filthy music, just like they can get guns. So I think the solution would be to go after the source-if the source is demolished then the problem goes away. Parents can monitor only so much in a twenty four hour day-eight to twelve of those hours will be spent working.
The parents have a
The parents have a responsibility to monitor what goes on in their household. If the kids are listening to music that have bad lyrics-then the parents responsibility is to forbid that kind of music. Many parents endorse this rap music for their kids, they allow this garbage in the homes just to pacify their kids.